Soul destroying. So destructive. No matter how hard I try I do everything wrong. Even when I think I've fixed it I haven't. Pointless. Hopeless. Worthless. Doomed to failure. Try harder. Do better. Super-critical, iron-willed, unforgiving. I shatter and break under your ruthless scrutiny. My failures obvious and otherwise are aired and used against me. Evidence produced of the wrongs I have wrought. Each action examined, found wanting. Destined to fail at every turn.
How can you expect me to love you when you cause me to loathe myself so? I need help. To escape from the pain eating me from the inside out. The desire to hurt myself growing, strengthening with every week that passes. I feel pain coursing through my veins and want to slice them open to allow its release. Shadowy darkness lurking behind me. I can resist, but for just how long? Its waiting, watching, ready to absorb me. To suck me in. Drain me, smother me, surround me. I stand at the edge of a precipice waiting to fall. Each push nudges me closer. How much longer, further can I hold out? Destroy me. Reduce me. The more I hate myself the less I can feel for you.
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