Punishment

I'm pushing people away and I'm fully aware that pretty soon there'll be no-one left. Setting my friends up with tests to prove they care, so that when they fail I can justify my decision to cut them out of my life. A new twist on self-flagellation we could say. I need to feel like I matter, so instead I turn myself more and more invisible. Hoping, wishing that eventually someone will notice and take me in hand and prove to my fragile ego that I'm not as disposable as I feel. Being self aware doesn't mean I can stop it. The hurt feelings remain, simmering evidence of the methods effectiveness.