What I want doesn't exist. I'm chasing a mirage and I know it, I just can't work out how to stop myself. I've come to the conclusion that I'm an absolute master at kidding myself, finding every which way to rationalise things out, explain and excuse bad behaviour on the part of others, when the reality is they just don't care enough to be any different. I allow myself to be hurt in the same way over and over again, long past the point when anyone with any sense would have walked away.

I KNOW this. I tell myself this constantly. I just need to learn to believe it. Maybe i've got an overactive hope chip. An adversion to facing reality. Some deep rooted belief that eventually the world will work out the way I want it to be I just have to be stubborn and refuse to face facts. I should know better.